Business News From a Baby in Space

-Staples recently made a $1 billion offer to buy rival Office Depot's consumer business, the latest in its multiyear attempt to consolidate the office-products space. Consolidation? Literally never heard of it... i'm having a little powdered snack up here...

-U.S. department store chain Kohl's Corp has been approached by private equity firm Sycamore Partners about a potential takeover offer. Takeover this, takeover that, when I go potty it FLOATS

-Germany's flagship carrier Lufthansa (LHAG.DE) is in talks to buy a 40% stake in state-owned Alitalia's successor Italian Airways. From my shuttle every country is just a speck. From my shuttle our entire planet is fragile and small, hanging precariously in a limitless void.

-Union faults BP’s proposals in local refinery negotiations. The only BP I experience during orbit is -- you guessed it -- Baby Poop. Fault that.

-Novogratz' Galaxy Digital hires Blackstone executive for asset management arm. I am two years old and untethered from Earth. I float freely without supervision.

-Shareholder Terry Smith labels Unilever's failed 50 billion pound GSK bid "near death experience." Dramatic much? If a micro-meteorite was to pierce my little spacesuit, I would die from asphyxiation or decompression within seconds. I live with this knowledge everyday and it does not prevent me from doing daily maintenance on my craft.

-Poland's largest drug maker Polpharma is working on a possible $4 billion takeover of Czech rival Zentiva. I am a weightless baby that does not fear death. My shit floats, so do my piss streams. My snacks are powdered, each miniature meal is freeze-dried. I am alone but not lost. I will be three in September and have an intuitive knowing that everything will be alright. Not everyone can say that.